It's been a while since my last confession, I mean blog post. I'm not good at this blogging lark....
But maybe its time to get digits to keys again.
Anyway, I first wrote about my feelings regarding my son's birth about 5 years ago.
I have since edited them a little on a couple of occasions as I continue to grow and learn.
So I decided to revisit them again and put them out there on my blog.
Disclaimer: These are my own personal feelings and are not to be considered
in judgement of anyone else's or as medical advice
- I hate that I was so naive as to expect 'Them' to guide me through labour
- I hate that 'Their' ARM was the beginning of the end, as my baby was back to back with a deflexed head and I was lying down for Foetal Scalp Electrode.
- I hated 'Them' asking me if I wanted my baby to die. (It was actually a Him)
- I hated the shivering
- I hated the vomiting afterwards, so much so that I had to ask for less effective pain relief so that I wouldn't be sick.
- I hated having to care for a baby with an abdominal scar as well as a broken wrist (broken a week before CS)
- I hate that I couldn't even look at my scar for years afterwards.
- I hate that I ended up with PND and my marriage broke down.
- I hate that I lost two years of memories. I can't really remember that much of life back then.
- I hate that 18 years on I could still cry about it
- I hate that my VBAC 12 years later was affected by the primary CS and I ended up with spinal and forceps and not feeling the birth.
- I hate my episiotemy.
- I hate that I'll never get to feel a baby being born
- I LOVE that I've become a Doula because of my childbirth journey, and a Hypnopbirthing Practitioner (The Wise Hippo Birthing Programme) and now a Complementary Therapist, offering NO HANDS Massage (including massage during pregnancy, aromatherapy, reflexology)
- I LOVE that I've met some wonderful midwives who show me what midwifery should really be like.
- I LOVE that I now know some very wonderful people all working to make a difference in maternity services so that our daughters and their partners may not necessarily suffer birth trauma. This includes the lovely 'family' of The Wise Hippo Birthing Programme.
- I LOVE that I found NO HANDS Massage which protects me as a therapist and provides me tools to provide a wonderful treatment.
- I LOVE that my various 'hats' all utilise the fabulous hormone Oxytocin.
I can be grateful for my primary Caesarean 22 years ago because without it
I wouldn't be doing what I am today, I wouldn't be where I am today
and I wouldn't be able to reflect on previous times throughout my life
that have been challenging and see what they've taught me in quite the same way.